A xenophobe look at current international affairs

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought - " Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC".

Fraud - beware.

Dear All,

Please be aware of a deception fraud which has been happening in the Farnborough area where elderly residents are being conned into paying out large amounts of money for building work to be carried out at their address which they do not need doing.

If you see this happen or are approached by any of these 'rogue traders' please contact us on 101.  If you are unsure about traders you can also contact Hampshire trading standards on 01962 833620 or email via tsadvice@hants.gov.uk

Many thanks

Richard

PC 21998 Fidler, PC 22675 Smith

PCSO 14266 Pantlin, PCSO 14502 Charlton

Rushmoor SNT | Farnborough Beat One

Hampshire Constabulary
Internal Ext: 608-126 | External 0845 045 4545

Lookout

An unknown person was seen driving down Eelmoor Road into the industrial estate. This person was seen to be taking photos of parked vehicles. The vehicle they were driving was a black VW Golf on false number plates. This incident happened a few weeks ago. If you see this vehicle or any other vehicle in suspicous sircumstances then please report it on 101 or have seen this vehicle perviously and can add any further information like discriptions of the occupant/s then please e-mail me back.

Robbery of Santander, Farnborough

There was an armed robbery of two security guards who were delivering cash to the bank.  It happened between 2200 – 2225 on Monday January 9^th at the Santander Branch in Eastmead.

One of the guards was assaulted but not seriously injured.

It happened at a time where not many people were around, so the risk to the public was very low.

Police are currently following up enquiries and asking for any one who may have seen anything suspicious in the area.  We believe that the offenders used a white car and they may have had a near miss with a White Audi as they left the car park.

PS. One resident said to me today "Now they know what some of their customers feel like". It appears few people have sympathy for Banks these days.

I hasten to add that I was home working on my dissertation - no witnesses unfortunately. I would like to know how much they got away with.